Unforgettable J Golden Kimball Quotes that will Leave You Roaring with Laughter

Have you ever heard of J Golden Kimball? If not, you are missing out on some serious entertainment! J Golden Kimball was a prominent leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints during the early 1900s. He is known for his humorous and colorful language, which has been passed down through generations as “J Golden Kimball quotes.”

One of his most famous quotes is, “I don’t care if you believe it or not, it’s still true!” This statement perfectly encapsulates J Golden Kimball’s unapologetic approach to life and religion. He didn’t mince words, and he wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, even if it meant ruffling some feathers.

Another classic J Golden Kimball quote is, “I’m not a prophet, I’m just an apostle. I don’t have to know anything.” This quote highlights his humility and self-deprecating humor. Despite his high position in the church, he never took himself too seriously.

Kimball was also known for his irreverent sense of humor. One of his most famous stories involves a meeting with a group of Native Americans. When one of them asked him if he had seen God, Kimball reportedly replied, “No, but I’ve smelled him.”

Despite his reputation for being a bit of a loose cannon, J Golden Kimball was deeply committed to his faith and his family. He once said, “I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that it is true. And I love my wife and my children more than anything in this world.”

Kimball’s unique personality and way of speaking have made him a beloved figure in Mormon culture. His quotes are often repeated at church meetings, family gatherings, and other events. They serve as a reminder that it’s okay to be a little irreverent and to not take ourselves too seriously.

One of Kimball’s most famous quotes is, “I may not always be right, but I’m never wrong.” This statement perfectly captures his stubbornness and his unwillingness to back down from a debate. He was never one to shy away from a good argument, especially when it came to defending his beliefs.

Another classic J Golden Kimball quote is, “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” This quote highlights his wit and his ability to turn a phrase. He was a master of using humor to diffuse tense situations.

Despite his reputation for being a bit of a troublemaker, J Golden Kimball was deeply respected and admired by those who knew him. He was a man of great faith and conviction, and he never wavered in his commitment to his beliefs.

One of Kimball’s most famous stories involves a visit to a rural church in Idaho. When he arrived, he found that the congregation was made up entirely of men. He reportedly said, “Well, I guess this is what you call a priesthood meeting. But it looks more like a stag party to me.”

Kimball’s colorful language and irreverent sense of humor have made him a legend in Mormon culture. His quotes are still repeated today, more than a century after his death. They serve as a reminder that even the most serious of topics can be approached with a little bit of levity.

In conclusion, J Golden Kimball was a unique and unforgettable figure in Mormon history. His quotes and stories have become a part of the fabric of Mormon culture, and they continue to inspire and entertain people to this day. Whether you’re a Mormon or not, there’s no denying the wit and wisdom of J Golden Kimball.

Introduction

J Golden Kimball was a prominent figure in the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was known for his humorous and colorful language, which has made him a legend among Mormons. His quotes are often used to lighten the mood and bring a smile to people's faces. In this article, we will explore some of J Golden Kimball's most famous quotes and their meanings.

A Brief Overview of J Golden Kimball

J Golden Kimball was born in 1853 in Salt Lake City, Utah. He was the son of Heber C. Kimball, who was one of the early leaders of the Mormon Church. J Golden Kimball served as a missionary for the church in the southern United States and later became a member of the Quorum of the Seventy. He was known for his wit and humor, which often got him into trouble with church leaders. Despite this, he remained a beloved figure among Mormons until his death in 1938.

I Don't Have Any Friends

One of J Golden Kimball's most famous quotes is, I don't have any friends. This quote is often used in jest by Mormons who are looking to poke fun at themselves or others. The quote is meant to be humorous because it is obviously not true. J Golden Kimball had many friends, both within and outside of the church. However, the quote has become a part of Mormon lore and is often repeated for its comedic value.

Unless You Want to Go to Hell, Keep Your Mouth Shut

J Golden Kimball was known for his colorful language and his willingness to speak his mind. One of his most famous quotes is, Unless you want to go to hell, keep your mouth shut. This quote is often used to remind Mormons to be careful with their words and to avoid speaking ill of others. However, the quote is also humorous because it is so extreme. J Golden Kimball was known for his exaggerations, and this quote is a perfect example of his style.

I Have Never Forgotten a Single Thing I Have Said

J Golden Kimball was notorious for his sharp wit and his ability to come up with clever one-liners on the spot. One of his most famous quotes is, I have never forgotten a single thing I have said. This quote is both humorous and true. J Golden Kimball had an incredible memory and could recall conversations from years earlier. However, the quote is also funny because it suggests that he never said anything worth forgetting.

The Lord Will Forgive Me If It's Funny

J Golden Kimball was known for his irreverent sense of humor and his willingness to poke fun at himself and others. One of his most famous quotes is, The Lord will forgive me if it's funny. This quote is often used to justify telling jokes or making light of serious situations. However, it also reveals J Golden Kimball's deep faith in God and his belief that laughter is an important part of life.

I'm So Ugly, My Mother Had to Tie a Pork Chop Around My Neck to Get the Dog to Play with Me

J Golden Kimball was not above making fun of himself. One of his most famous self-deprecating quotes is, I'm so ugly, my mother had to tie a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me. This quote is both humorous and sad because it suggests that J Golden Kimball had a low opinion of himself. However, it also shows his ability to laugh at his own flaws and to find humor in difficult situations.

I'd Rather Be a Dead Dog in the Ditch Than to Give Up

J Golden Kimball was known for his determination and his refusal to give up. One of his most famous quotes is, I'd rather be a dead dog in the ditch than to give up. This quote is both humorous and inspiring because it suggests that J Golden Kimball was willing to go to extreme lengths to achieve his goals. However, it also shows his deep commitment to his faith and his belief in the power of perseverance.

I Don't Care What They Say About Me, as Long as They Spell My Name Right

J Golden Kimball was a larger-than-life figure who was often the subject of gossip and rumors. One of his most famous quotes is, I don't care what they say about me, as long as they spell my name right. This quote is both humorous and defiant because it suggests that J Golden Kimball was not afraid of criticism or ridicule. However, it also shows his desire for recognition and his belief that his name was important.

I'm Not Perfect, but I'm Perfectly Willing to Try

J Golden Kimball was not without his faults, but he was always willing to admit them and to work on improving himself. One of his most famous quotes is, I'm not perfect, but I'm perfectly willing to try. This quote is both humorous and humble because it suggests that J Golden Kimball was aware of his shortcomings but was willing to do what it takes to become a better person.

I Don't Know Much, but I Know One Thing: God Loves Me

J Golden Kimball was a deeply religious man who believed in the power of faith and prayer. One of his most famous quotes is, I don't know much, but I know one thing: God loves me. This quote is both humorous and inspiring because it suggests that J Golden Kimball was not afraid to admit his ignorance but was confident in his relationship with God.

Conclusion

J Golden Kimball was a unique figure in the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His wit and humor have made him a beloved figure among Mormons, and his quotes are often used to lighten the mood and bring a smile to people's faces. Although he had his flaws, J Golden Kimball was a man of deep faith and conviction who lived his life with passion and purpose. His legacy continues to inspire and entertain us today.

J Golden Kimball Quotes: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

If you haven't heard of J Golden Kimball, then you're missing out on one of the most colorful characters in Mormon history. This infamous apostle was known for his salty language, quick wit, and irreverent humor. He was a master of the one-liner, and his quotes are still quoted today by Mormons and non-Mormons alike. Here are some of the best J Golden Kimball quotes that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even think.

I haven't always been righteous, but at least I've consistently been inconsistent.

This quote sums up J Golden Kimball's life perfectly. He wasn't perfect, and he didn't try to be. He was honest about his flaws and wasn't afraid to admit them. But despite his imperfections, he remained true to himself and his beliefs.

I may not have a PhD, but I've got a PhD in street smarts and swear words.

Kimball may not have had a formal education, but he was a genius in his own right. He knew how to navigate the world and how to communicate with people from all walks of life. And he wasn't afraid to use colorful language to get his point across.

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me to watch my language, I'd be a millionaire. And if I had a nickel for every swear word I've said, I'd be a billionaire.

Kimball's language was legendary, and he was often criticized for it. But he never let that stop him from speaking his mind. He knew that sometimes you need a little profanity to get your point across. And he never apologized for it.

I have a lot of regrets in life, but not cussing more isn't one of them.

Kimball didn't believe in regretting the past. He knew that everything he did, good or bad, had led him to where he was today. And he didn't think that swearing was a sin. In fact, he thought it was a perfectly natural way to express oneself.

If the only way to get into heaven was to stop swearing, I'd just set up camp in hell and cuss out the devil himself.

Kimball was never one to mince words. He knew what he believed, and he wasn't afraid to say it. And he didn't believe that swearing would keep him out of heaven. If anything, it might help him stand out from the rest of the crowd.

I'm not saying I'm a saint, but I am saying I've got a mouth like a sailor and a heart of gold.

Kimball may have been rough around the edges, but he had a heart of gold. He genuinely cared about people and wanted to help them in any way he could. And he wasn't afraid to use his colorful language to make them laugh or feel better.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And add a shot of whiskey to it while you're at it.

Kimball knew that life could be tough, but he also knew how to make the best of it. He believed in taking what life gave you and turning it into something positive. And if that meant adding a little whiskey to your lemonade, then so be it.

If being a member of the church means I have to stop cussing, then consider me an honorary member of the heathens.

Kimball was a proud member of the Mormon church, but he didn't believe that meant he had to be perfect. He knew that everyone had their own struggles and imperfections. And if swearing was his, then he was happy to be an honorary member of the heathens.

I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not boring.

Kimball never wanted to be boring. He wanted to live life to the fullest and have fun doing it. And if that meant being a little irreverent or using some colorful language, then so be it. He knew that life was short, and he didn't want to waste a single minute.

I don't always go to church, but when I do, I make sure to leave my filter at the door.

Kimball loved going to church, but he didn't believe in censoring himself while he was there. He knew that the church was a place for all types of people, and he didn't want to pretend to be someone he wasn't. He wanted to be himself, flaws and all.

These J Golden Kimball quotes may be irreverent, but they also have a lot of wisdom and truth behind them. Kimball may not have been a perfect man, but he was a memorable one. And his legacy lives on through his quotes and his larger-than-life personality.

J Golden Kimball Quotes: A Humorous Take

The Legend of J Golden Kimball

Joseph Golden Kimball, popularly known as J Golden Kimball, was an American Latter-day Saint leader and speaker. He was known for his unique wit and humor, which he incorporated into his speeches and sermons. Born on June 9, 1853, in Salt Lake City, Utah, J Golden Kimball was the son of Heber C. Kimball, an early leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).

Kimball served as a missionary for the LDS Church in the Southern States Mission from 1876 to 1878. After completing his mission, he served as a clerk for the Presiding Bishopric of the LDS Church. In 1881, he was ordained an apostle and served in that capacity until his death on November 2, 1938.

J Golden Kimball Quotes: A Humorous Perspective

J Golden Kimball was famous for his humorous quotes, which often provided relief to members of the LDS Church during times of difficulty. His quotes were relatable, funny, and often irreverent. Here are some of his most famous quotes:

I don't care much about what they say about me, but they ought to be careful about what they say about my horses.
I may not be much, but I am all I think about.
I'm just as good as any bishop, but no better than any jackass.
I have never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.
I'm not a historian, but I've got a good memory.

These quotes reflect J Golden Kimball's humorous take on life and his ability to find humor in even the most challenging situations. His witty quotes continue to be popular among members of the LDS Church and beyond.

Table: J Golden Kimball Quotes

Quote	Meaning
I don't care much about what they say about me, but they ought to be careful about what they say about my horses.	J Golden Kimball was known for his love of horses, and this quote reflects his willingness to defend them.
I may not be much, but I am all I think about.	This quote reflects J Golden Kimball's self-deprecating humor and his tendency to focus on himself.
I'm just as good as any bishop, but no better than any jackass.	Despite his position as an apostle, J Golden Kimball remained humble and saw himself as no better than anyone else.
I have never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.	J Golden Kimball had a way of turning mistakes into funny anecdotes, and this quote reflects his ability to find humor in his own missteps.
I'm not a historian, but I've got a good memory.	Despite his lack of formal education, J Golden Kimball had an excellent memory and was known for his ability to recall even the smallest details.

In conclusion, J Golden Kimball was a beloved figure in the LDS Church, known for his wit, humor, and irreverent take on life. His quotes continue to be popular among members of the church and beyond, and his legacy as a humorous and relatable speaker lives on.

Goodbye, You Sons of Guns!

Well, folks, it's been a hoot and a holler sharing some of the best J Golden Kimball quotes with you. I hope you've enjoyed them as much as I have. If you haven't heard of J Golden Kimball before now, then you're in for a treat. This guy was one of a kind, and he had a way with words that is hard to come by these days. So, without further ado, here are some of my favorite J Golden Kimball quotes to send you off with.

I'm not a bad man. I just swear a little. This is one of J Golden Kimball's most famous quotes, and it pretty much sums up his personality. He was known for his colorful language and his ability to make people laugh, even at the most inappropriate times. If you're ever feeling down, just remember that J Golden Kimball would probably tell you to buck up and quit your whining.

I don't care where I go when I die, as long as it's warm and they have a bar. Now, this is a sentiment I can get behind. If heaven doesn't have a good selection of whiskey, then I don't want to go there either. J Golden Kimball knew how to enjoy life, and he didn't take himself too seriously.

I may not be going to heaven, but I sure as hell ain't going to Brigham Young's version of it. J Golden Kimball wasn't afraid to speak his mind, even if it meant ruffling a few feathers. He had a healthy skepticism of authority and wasn't afraid to question the status quo. That's a quality we could all use more of these days.

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make sure you marry a girl with a good sense of humor. J Golden Kimball was a family man at heart, and he knew that a good sense of humor was key to a happy marriage. He also knew that life was too short to take everything so seriously.

I don't drink, smoke, or chew, and I don't associate with those who do. Just kidding! J Golden Kimball loved a good drink and a good smoke, and he wasn't afraid to indulge in either. He was a man who knew what he liked, and he didn't care what anyone else thought about it.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception. J Golden Kimball was a master of the insult, and he could take down anyone with his quick wit and sharp tongue. Of course, he did it all with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face.

I'm not saying that all politicians are crooks, but when they start talking, my bullshit detector goes off. J Golden Kimball had a healthy distrust of politicians and authority figures, and he wasn't afraid to call out their BS when he saw it. He was a man who believed in honesty above all else.

I don't believe in miracles, but I've seen a few marriages that have come pretty damn close. J Golden Kimball was a romantic at heart, and he knew that love was a powerful force. He also knew that marriage wasn't always easy, but he believed that it was worth fighting for.

If you can't laugh at yourself, then you're missing out on the best joke of all. J Golden Kimball had a lot of flaws, but he wasn't afraid to own up to them. He believed that laughter was the best medicine and that we should all be able to laugh at ourselves from time to time.

When I die, I want to be buried face down so that anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass. J Golden Kimball was a man who knew how to leave an impression, and this quote is a perfect example. He was irreverent, irrepressible, and unforgettable. We could all learn a thing or two from J Golden Kimball.

So, there you have it, folks. Some of the best J Golden Kimball quotes to send you on your way. I hope you've enjoyed reading them as much as I've enjoyed sharing them with you. Remember, life is short, so don't take it too seriously. And if all else fails, just remember what J Golden Kimball said: It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

Goodbye, you sons of guns!